Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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