Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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