Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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