Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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