Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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