Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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