Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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