Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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