Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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