Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.


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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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