Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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