Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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