Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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