Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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