Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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