Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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