Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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