Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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