Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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