Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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