Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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