Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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