Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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