Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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