Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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