Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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