Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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