Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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