Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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