Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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