Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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