Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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