Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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