Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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