Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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