Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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