Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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