Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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