Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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