Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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