Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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