Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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