Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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