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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.
A cow on a skateboard.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?
Address.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How did the egg cross the road?
It scrambled across!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
You're the only bright spot in my life.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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