Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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