Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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