Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.


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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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