Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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