Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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