Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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A seal walks into a club...
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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