Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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