Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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