Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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