Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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