Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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