Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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