Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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