Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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