Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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