Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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