Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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