Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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