Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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