Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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