Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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