Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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