Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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