Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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