Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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