Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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