Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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