Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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