Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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