Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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