Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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