Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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