Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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