Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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