Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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