Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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