Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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