Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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