Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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