Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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