Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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