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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?
Because they had so many knights.
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What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?
A crossing guard.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It's Hans free.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?
Mice krispies
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,
I just can't think of one atm.
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