Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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