Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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