Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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