Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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