Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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