Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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