Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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