Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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