Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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