Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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