Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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