Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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