Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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