Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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