Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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