Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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