Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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