Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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