Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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