Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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