Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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