Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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