Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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