Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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