Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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