Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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