Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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