Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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