Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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