Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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