Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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