Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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