Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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