Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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