Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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