Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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