Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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