Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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