Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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