Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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