Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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