Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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