Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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