Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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