Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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