Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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