Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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