Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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