Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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