Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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