Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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