Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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