Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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