Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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