Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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