Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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