Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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