Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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