Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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