Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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