Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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