Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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