Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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