Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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