Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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