Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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