Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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