Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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