Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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