Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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