Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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