Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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