Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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