Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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