Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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