Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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