Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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