Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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