Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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