Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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