Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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