Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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