Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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