Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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