Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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