Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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