Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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