Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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