Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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