Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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