Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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