Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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