Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.

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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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