Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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