Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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