Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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