Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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