Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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