Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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