Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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