Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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