Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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