Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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