Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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