Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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