Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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