Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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