Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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