Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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