Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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