Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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