Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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