Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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