Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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