Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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