Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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