Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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