Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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