Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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