Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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