Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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