Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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