Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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