Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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