Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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