Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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