Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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