Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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