Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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