Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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