Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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