Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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