Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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