Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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