Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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