Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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