Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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