Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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