Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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