Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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