Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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