Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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