Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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