Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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