Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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