Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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