Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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