Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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