Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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