Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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