Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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