Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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