Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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