Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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