Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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