Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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