Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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