Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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