Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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