Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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