Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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