Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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