Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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