Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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