Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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