Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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