Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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