Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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