Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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