Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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