Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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