Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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