Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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