Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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