Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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