Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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