Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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