Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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