Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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