Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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