Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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