Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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