Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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