Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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