Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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