Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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