Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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