Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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