Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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