Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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