Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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