Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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