Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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