Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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