Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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