Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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