Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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