Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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