Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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