Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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