Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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