Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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