Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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