Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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