Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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