Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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