Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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