Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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