Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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