Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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