Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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