Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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