Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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