Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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