Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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