Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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