Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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