Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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