Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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