Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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