Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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