Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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