Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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