Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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