Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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