Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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