Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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