Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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