Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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