Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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