Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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