Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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