Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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