Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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