Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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