Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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