Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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