Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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