Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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