Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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