Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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