Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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