Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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