Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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