Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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