Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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