Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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