Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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