Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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