Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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