Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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