Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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