Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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