Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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