Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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