Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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