Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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