Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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