Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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