Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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