Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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