Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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