Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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