Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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