Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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