Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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