Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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