Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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