Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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