Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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