Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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