Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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