Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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