Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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