Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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