Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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