Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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