Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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