Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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