Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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