Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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