Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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