Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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