Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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