Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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