Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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