Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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