Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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