Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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