Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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