Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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