Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, who appoint another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to the Disney corporation. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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