Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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