Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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