Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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