Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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