Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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