Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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