Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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