Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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