Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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