Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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