Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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