Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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