Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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