Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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