Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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