Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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