Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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