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Why did the banana split?
It saw the ginger snap.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?
I'm outtie here!
Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?
A coat of arms.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
Stinker Bell.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code.
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Why did the calendar write its will?
Its days were numbered.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does GOP stand for?
Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?
Bison
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