Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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