Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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