Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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