Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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