Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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