Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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