Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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