Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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