Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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