Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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