Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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