Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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