Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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