Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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