Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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