Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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