Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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