Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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