Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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