Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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