Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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