Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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