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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?
Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?
A cocker poodle boo.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?
Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, it just waved.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,
but I don't want one of them for my husband".
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