Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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