Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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