Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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