Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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