Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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