Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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