Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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