Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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