Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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