Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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