Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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