Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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