Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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