Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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