Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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