Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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