Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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