Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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