Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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