Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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