Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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