Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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