Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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