Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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