Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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