Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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