Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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