Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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