Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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