Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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