Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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