Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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