Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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