Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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