Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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