Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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