Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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