Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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