Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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