Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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