Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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