Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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