Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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