Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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