Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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