Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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