Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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