Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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