Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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