Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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