Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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