Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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