Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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