Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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