Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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