Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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