Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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