Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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