Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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