Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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