Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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