Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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