Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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