Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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