Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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