Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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