Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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