Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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