Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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