Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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