Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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