Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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