Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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