Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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