Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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