Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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