Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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