Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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