Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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