Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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