Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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