Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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