Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, who appoint another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to the Disney corporation. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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