Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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