Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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