Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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