Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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