Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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