Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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