Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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