Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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