Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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