Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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