Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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