Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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