Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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