Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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