Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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