Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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