Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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