Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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