Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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