Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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