Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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