Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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