Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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