Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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