Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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