Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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