Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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