Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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