Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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