Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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