Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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