Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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