Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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