Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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