Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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