Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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