Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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