Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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