Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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