Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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