Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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