Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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