Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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