Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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