Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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