Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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