Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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