Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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