Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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