Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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