Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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