Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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