Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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