Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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