Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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