Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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