Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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