Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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