Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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