Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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