Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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