Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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