Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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