Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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