Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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