Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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