Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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