Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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