Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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