Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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