Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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