Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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