Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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