Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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