Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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