Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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