Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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