Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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