Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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