Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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