Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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