Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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