Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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