Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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