Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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