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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
So he could grade his eggs.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel
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What do Santa's elves drive?
Minivans.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don't know the words.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?
To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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