Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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