Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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