Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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