Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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