Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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