Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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