Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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