Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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