Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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