Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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