Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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