Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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