Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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