Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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