Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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