Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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