Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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