Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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