Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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