Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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