Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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