Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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