Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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