Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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