Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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