Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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