Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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