Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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