Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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