Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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