Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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