Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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