Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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