Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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