Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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