Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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