Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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