Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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