Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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