Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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