Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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