Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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