Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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