Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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