Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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