Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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