Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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