Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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