Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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