Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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