Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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