Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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