Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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