Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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