Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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