Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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