Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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