Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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