Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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