Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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