Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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