Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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