Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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