Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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