Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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