Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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