Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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