Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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