Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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