Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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