Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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