Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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