Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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