Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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