Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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