Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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