Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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