Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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