Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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