Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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