Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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