Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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