Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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