Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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