Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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