Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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