Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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