Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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