Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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