Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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