Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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