Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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