Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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