Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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