Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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