Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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