Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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