Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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