Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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