Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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