Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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