Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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