Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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