Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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