Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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