Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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