Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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