Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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