Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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