Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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