Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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