Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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