Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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