Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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