Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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