Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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