Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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