Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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