Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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