Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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