Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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