Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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