Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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