Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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