Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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