Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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