Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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