Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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