Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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