Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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