Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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