Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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