Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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