Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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