Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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