Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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