Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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