Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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