Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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