Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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