Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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