Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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