Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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