Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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