Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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A seal walks into a club...
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