Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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