Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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