Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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