Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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