Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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