Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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