Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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