Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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