Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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