Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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A seal walks into a club...
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