Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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