Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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