Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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