Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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