Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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