Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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