Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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