Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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