Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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