Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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