Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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