Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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