Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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