Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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