Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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