Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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