Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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