Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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