Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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