Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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