Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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