Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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