Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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