Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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