Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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