Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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