Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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