Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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