Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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