Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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