Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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