Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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