Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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