Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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