Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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