Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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