Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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