Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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