Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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