Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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