Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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