Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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