Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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