Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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