Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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