Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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