Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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