Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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