Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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