Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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