Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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