Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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