Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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