Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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