Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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