Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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