Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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