Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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