Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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