Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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