Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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