Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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