Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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