Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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