Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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