Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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