Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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