Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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