Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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