Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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