Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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