Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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