Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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