Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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