Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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