Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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