Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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