Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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