Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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