Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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