Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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