Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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