Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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