Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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