Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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