Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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