Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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