Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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