Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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