Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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