Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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