Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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