Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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