Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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