Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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