Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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