Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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