Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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