Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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