Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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