Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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