Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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