Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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