Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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