Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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