Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.



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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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