Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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