Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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