Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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