Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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