Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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