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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?
Spooketi
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Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?
A cow walking backwards
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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