Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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