Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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