Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.

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