Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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