Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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