Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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