Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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