Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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