Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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