Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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