Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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