Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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